The dialogue around functional programming is an almost inavoidable part of the community voice. As more curious learners seek understanding of the concepts, misunderstandings and misexplanations are inevitable. This talk seeks to dispell some of the more confusing, and harmful, misconceptions surrounding FP. We will banish buzzwords, conquer fear and plant a firm foothold for future explorations of uncharted territory. Suitable for complete beginners or anyone who has visibly shuddered at the word "monad".